by Brian Azar
During these turbulent, volitile and uncertain times, both personnally and professionally, it appears that there are many things that prevent us from attaining what we want and need in our lives.
In reality, the only thing that prevents us from succeeding...is ourselves!
We are excellent at procrastinating, not asking for what we want or need, or even knowing specifically, exactly what it is we want or need.
We then use excuses and blame for not creating the behavior and taking the appropriate actions and steps necessary to learn and progress forward.
Let's deal with the primary obstacle: FEAR!.
There may be more, but here are The Ten Most Common Fears Controlling People
1-FEAR OF FAILING.
One of the main reasons people procrastinate is their FEAR OF FAILURE.
They would rather do nothing than risk looking bad, making a mistake or not completing what they start. Perfectionists fall into this category. Growth and true learning is frozen because of this fear.
2-FEAR OF SUCCESS.
This fear is a little more subtle...especially for WOMEN!
Many of us were given "mixed messeges" during our first six years of life. We were "taught" to be prepared for failure and disappointment. In fact,for most of us,our failures and mistakes were vividly caught and pointed out to us. Many of us, in fact, were not stroked,recognised,or acknowledged frequently for our achievements and attempts. To most people, success means more stress,pressure,more work,responsibility, more attention,etc. rather then an experience of ongoing fulfillment and a sense of satisfaction.
3-FEAR OF REJECTION.
For many people,this is the number one fear in their life. This fear begins almost at birth when we are trained and conditioned to respond to our parents or primary caretakers. Most people have this fear because they don't have an inner experience of "being" or "Okness." They don't understand that it's not the rejection that matters,it's the understanding that there will always be differences and preferences in life between people and ideas.
What DOES MATTER is how we learn from, deal with, and respond to the rejection in a healthy, positive manner.
4-FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.
We have the highest rate of poverty, physical,sexual,verbal and emotional abuse in the history of this country. Yet we also have the lowest rate of resistence as well as taking positive,healthy actions to stop or correct those circumstances. WHY?
Because most people would rather live with, and deal with, what they have AND KNOW now, then to take a risk with the unknown, believing that it could be worse!
5- FEAR OF CHANGE.
This fear is the "sister" of the FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.
Most people talk about changing but few "do it" for several reasons. First, very few people like to acknowledge that something is wrong or not working in their lives.
Second, they don't like the feelings associated with the "clumbsiness" or embarrassment of not doing something new or different, perfectly. They lack the patience and persistence necessary to endure and "internalise" the changes necessary to grow.
6-FEAR OF INTIMACY.
Many people equate intimacy with sex. WRONG!
In fact, many people use sex to avoid intimacy! True intimacy is the ability to openly express and communicate lovingly,honestly and "unconditionally" to those who are important in one's life,community and work. It is vital to master this "form of communication" if one wants to learn to be a tolerant,non-judgmental person who respects the needs and wants of those people in their life.
7-FEAR OF EXPRESSION.
This fear prevents people from experiencing real creativity. It also prevents good,clear honest communication. Lack of expressing true feelings has ruined so many personal, professional and business relationships. The challenge to many, is to first discover how one really feels and then to communicate those feelings in an effective, non-abusive manner. This is to be learned and practiced regularly.
8-FEAR OF ABANDONESS/LONLINESS.
This fear keeps most people in relationships or jobs that are not nurturing, healthy and supportive, whether they be personal,professional or business. These people fear abandonment and therefore will not be honest with themselves or others. They would rather be miserable and/or suffer in their current situation then be alone and unwanted or unneeded. Even so, they feel no "real" connectedness socially or spiritually!
9-FEAR OF EMOTIONAL PAIN.
Most people will do almost anything to avoid "feeling the pain." We are living in a society that incessantly promotes taking drugs, both legal and illegal, as well as alcohol and food to avoid feeling emotional pain. Unless people learn how to feel their pain, they won't learn how to deal with it in a positive, healthy way. Not dealing with it will eventually bring on even more of life's "painful" lessons, both personally and professionally.
10-FEAR OF TAKING RISKS.
This fear keeps 80% of America's workforce in their place..even tho they wake up every morning hating their jobs,their workplace, their bosses, careers or profession. Their work environment is negative and debilitating. Their superiors give "lip service" to change and innovation. Yet these people will not take a chance on themselves for fear of being judged a failure!
I have been doing what I love ever since I left the Xerox Corporation 25 years ago, because I took risks, failed many times and learned the lessons from my mistakes.
Someone recently asked me what I attribute people's success to. I said two words:
"Learned experiences"
They asked how one gets "Learned experiences?" I said two words:
"Make mistakes"
They asked how does one do this?. I said two words:
"Take risks!"
To be successful, you MUST commit yourself to work on facing and overcoming YOUR BIGGEST FEARS!
If you do...some of them might even become your biggest strengths!
"Fear knocked at the door.
Faith and Trust answered.
No one was there"
Knowing is the first step.
Action is what gets results.
Want to be notified when MAJOR news happens in Subic Bay?